10/21/12

ألسنا على حق؟


فهمس على بسؤاله غير المستفهِم:

- يا أبتِ، لا أراك اللهُ سوءًا، ألسنا على حق؟

أجابه الحسين جوابًا معلومًا للسائل:

- بلى، والذى إليه مرجع العباد.

فأضاف على بن الحسين:

- إذن لا نبالى، ونموت مُحِقِّين.

إذن لا نبالى !

~ من كتاب "دم الحسين" لإبراهيم عيسى.

10/13/12

Leave me alone, to envy ..

Listening to POTF - Where to draw the line: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf1oFZdXMX0

and getting captivated ..

I'm tired and sick of myself, or is it tired of being sick of myself?

"What does tomorrow want from me?"

Well, what does today want?! How about figuring that out first. What do the days, weeks, months, and years want from me?

I'm tired, that is I'm sure of.

I'm envious too. I envy those who firmly believe. Not necessarily believe in things I believe in. Do I even believe?

Leave me alone, to envy . . .

Those who don't believe in a God, and firmly believe they're right.
Those who believe in fiction more than non-fiction, and live their lives delving in novels.
Those who believe in love, and would do the most insane things for its sake.
Those who believe this world can be a better place, and firmly believe they can be a part of that change.

I wish, oh how I wish I had even one thing to *believe* in with all my heart, to live for with all my being, to argue about against the whole world, to not mind dying for, . . .

Leave me alone, to envy . . .

10/11/12

On being human


Our biggest problem is that we're human.

We envy. 
We lie. 
We hate.
We fear.
We get jealous. 
We think about things that we shouldn't be thinking about.

But that's okay ... cuz we're human.

Yet,

We cry.
We sacrifice.
We give.
We love.
We sympathize.
We care.

.. And that's what makes us humane.

10/9/12

بصل .. وجبنة قريش



مشهد وأنا ماشية فى الشارع؛ 

واحدة ست بتبيع بخور أمام مسجد

واحد اسمه محمد ماشى فى نفس الشارع متجه فى عكس اتجاه الست

الست: "يا محمد استنى يا محمد .. قبل ما تروح مشوارك ادخل افطر معاهم جوه المسجد .. دول جايبين فطار انما ايييييه .. بصل وجبنة قريش .. فطار ما يتعوضش"

وقفت كدة وبصيت للست شوية علشان أتأكد إنها مثلا بتتريق أو بتهزر ..

ولكن هو فعلا طلع فطار ميتعوضش .. واستحقار للنفس ما يتوصفش

10/8/12

Death and loss



"Everybody grieves differently."


10/4/12

Savor the Silence


Silence ..

How do you feel about silence? 

Not the kind of silence you'd experience when sitting alone, no.

Sitting in a room full of people, in silence .. not knowing who's going to speak next or what they're going to say.

Silence is golden, they say .. but is it?

How it makes you feel says a lot about the person you are. 

Does it make you feel uncomfortable? 
How uncomfortable? 
Not at all, you'd actually enjoy it?
A bit so you'd pray with all your heart for someone to break it? 
A lot to the extent that you'd do anything to break it? Would you break it with a chuckle? A question? A comment about how awkward this is?

If silence makes you uncomfortable, it's an indication that you're uncomfortable with uncertainty. You *need* structure. You *need* to know what's going to happen next. Not just in this room. In your life. In everything.

Silence is uncomfortable, yes .. but next time try savoring it, instead of worrying about who's going to break it. Uncertainty is not that scary after all. Life goes on.

~ A reflection from group therapy.

10/3/12

The bump


The street he lived on, there was a bump half way through it, that he could see it from his bedroom balcony. He thought it stood there very clearly, no one can miss it.

Lately, he's been spending quite sometime in the balcony, and noticed something different. Some cars would see the clear bump, yes, slow down, pass it safely, and drive ahead. However, other cars would miss seeing it, and he'd hear a loud braking noise, and sometimes the driver's cursing words.

It was the same bump .. just standing there .. waiting to be noticed.

9/1/12

Wires, Birds, and Perspective?

A couple of days ago I was wandering through my Facebook timeline, then I found this picture posted by a friend.


I liked the picture and thought it's creative. It's all about perspective, that's how I saw it. Most people (including myself) would see the bottom half of the picture as wires making up a fence. The upper half proves otherwise, they're birds not wires! Just wow. Perspective perspective. I also thought about it in terms of freedom. The wires transforming into birds and flying away.

Anyway, I scroll down the page a bit more, and I find this ...... 





That second picture is posted by another friend who is not related in any way to my friend who posted the first picture. I go like this :O

What's with the wires and birds, and how I choose to see them? 
I sat there staring for a couple of minutes, thinking how creepy this is getting. Is it some kind of a message from God? 

Wires and birds .... I have no idea what I should get out of this.

8/21/12

الناس الحشرية - by Abeer, Yomna, and Basma Zaki


يا ناس يا حشرية 
ماتخللي عندكوا دم شوية 
مش لازم كل حاجة تحصل ليا 
يكون عندكوا بيها إخبارية 


ده إيه القرف والعكننة ديه 
الواحد مايعرفش يعيش أبداً شوية 
من غير ما تتدخل في حياته ولية 
تفضل تسأله أسئلة وتعمل فيها بلطجية 


إنتوا فاكرين نفسكوا عايشين في أنهي ألفية 
طريقة أبلة نظيرة دي والله ماهتأثر فيا 
وعلى فكرة ممكن أقلبهالكوا حرب دموية 
لو ماسبتونيش في حالي الساعة ديه 


كنت قاعدة مرة مع الست فتحية 
جارتنا دي الست الحشرية 
قالتي إزيك يا حبيبتي يا غلبوية 
وأنا من طيبتي إفتكرتها بجد بتطمن عليا 


شوية ولقيتها بتحكيلي ع البت شوقية 
اللي عمرها في حياتها ما كان ليها علاقة بيا 
وإزاي جوزها طلع راجل هفية 
طلقها عشان مشهقتش شهقة الملوخية 


بدأت تشتم فيه بطريقة هسترية 
وأكنها هي اللي إطلقت، مش البت شوقية 
شوية وقالت إيه الرجالة ديه؟ 
دول محصلوش حتي فراخ الجمعية! 


وفجأة قربت مني شوية 
وفكرتني إن أمي هتموت وتفرح بيا 
وقالتلي مش كفاية لكاعة بقي يا تحية؟ 
على أساس مثلاً إن دي حياتها هي! 


مانا برضه إستغربت داخلتها الأونطجية 
عاملة نفسها قال إيه خايفة عليا 
وأتاريها بتكلمني عن سنجاوي ابن الست فوزية 
جارتنا القديمة من أيام شقة المنوفية 


فضلت تشعر فيه وفيا 
كأننا جزء من سينفونية كلاسيكية 
ولما أعلنت رفضي بكل تلقائية 
قالتي ليه؟ حد يفرط في جوازة زي ديه؟ 


ده عريس والله يا بنتي مية مية 
واللا انتي في حد في حياتك يا عنَيّا؟ 
قوليلي ياختي ومتخابيش عليا! 
ودي كانت المرة الخمسمية 
اللي أقتل فيها في دماغي الست فتحية 

وبعد ماكلنا سوا أكلة هنية 
بصيت لقيت سنجاوي داخل عليا 
وشايل في إيده كيسين ملوخية 
وقال ايه جاي عايز شوية تقلية 
هما للدرجة دي فاهمني غبية؟ 
إيه ياربي ده، دي عصابة مفترية! 


والحكاية دي كل شوية تتكرر هي هي 
أنا بجد زهقت من عيلتي الرجعية 
اللي عمرهم ما سابوا الفرصة ليا 
إني أعيش حياتي بشوية إيجابية 


طبعاً فيه ناس كتير من نفس النوعية 
وبيعملوا بالضبط زي مابتعمل الست فتحية 
بيدخلّوا في حياة الناس بدون أي وجه أحقية 
نفسي بقي نخلص منهم ونعيش في حرية 


أحب أوصللهم رسالة نهائية 
إنتوا بجد جبتولي عقدة نفسية 
عيب اللي انتوا بتعملوا ده، إتقوا الله فيا 
عشان قربت أرتكب جريمة وأخلّص البشرية 
من قرفك يا ولية إنتي وهي وهي وهي 



7/21/12

A Scene from the Future



In the morning, I get this from a friend;

ربنا يجمعنا في زمرة الذين أعزُّوا دينهم   :)


In the evening, I say Ameen to someone saying this prayer;

اللهم احشرنا فى زمرة المصطفى صلى الله عليه وسلم ..

Then I stopped for a moment and wondered which زمرة will I be a part of? Which زمرة do I want to be a part of? Will I be in a زمرة entering Jannah?

اللهم اجعنا فى زمرة عبادك الصالحين الذين أحبوك وأحببتهم ورضيت عنهم ..

Faith, no more for granted.




"I NEVER TAKE MY FAITH FOR GRANTED," that's the one thing Sarah Joseph kept repeating very sincerely during her talk last Saturday. 

She was a Christian, a very devoted committed Christian, and she said she lost her Faith once when she converted to Islam, but now she's never going to take it for granted.

After I left, I couldn't stop thinking how I have been taking my Faith for granted for so long .. not on purpose, but out of ignorance and carelessness. That doesn't make it any less of a shame though..

I'm tired of promising myself things that I never manage to do, so this time I'm not making any promises, just a sincere intention to start my journey of learning all about Islam. Questioning, Pursuing the truth, and Submitting to Allah. I couldn't help but think that being part of Zumaran must be Allah guiding me of where I should start. Ramadan is here. I'm off to a Umrah in a couple of days in-sha'Allah. SUB7AN ALLAH. I couldn't have made better plans for a new start..

Sarah also talked about how she stopped listening to music for a couple of years, not because she believed it's 7aram (forbidden) -as she doesn't believe it is- she only did that because it was a "distraction" for her along the way of getting closer to Allah. 

I'm getting away from many things that I consider current distractions in my life these days, and focusing instead on the things that matter.

Quoting a friend, "I want to revert to Islam" 

7/14/12

That One Single Precious Moment


Moments. Precious moments.


I'm a terrible person when it comes to remembering things!

However, we all have a couple of precious moments that we hold in our memories and love to re-visit from time to time. They make us grin, laugh, and even tear up because we wish we could go back. We appreciate those moments. They're precious..


I'm sure we all have some of those moments, if not many, I hope. I want to know what's the one single precious moment that you hold on to?

It can be that moment of success, that moment you met "the one", that moment you carried your first born, or that moment when you were the reason for that someone's smile :), ...





The one moment that inspired me to write this post .. The one moment that I wish to hold on to forever is something different .. It's the moment I hear something about my one and only Allah, and "feel it" deep inside. The moment I feel I love Him more than anyone and anything in this world. The moment I feel the strongest, only because He is by my side. That moment .. My most precious. I wish I can hold its memory and all those feelings that come along with it, in my mind, soul, and heart, for eternity..

What's the one single precious moment of your life?

7/1/12

A Tribute to Mr. Amin Selim (from someone who never met him)



Mr. Amin Selim. I've been hearing this name for a couple of years now, and never once was it mentioned in a negative context. I wasn't an IG student, and I haven't had the honor of getting to know him personally. However, I have four friends who know him well and have always been talking good about him.

On the day Mr. Amin died, I noticed everyone on Facebook and Twitter change their profile pictures and avatars to a photo of him. Facebook statuses, Facebook notes about him, and tweets all over Twitter mentioning what a great man and amazing teacher he was. Also, I was very touched by the event his students created just to make a خاتمة قرآن for him. 

I called a couple of my friends that knew him to tell them البقاء لله, and they were crying, not believing he's gone, going on and on about what a great man he was, and how he was the best teacher they've ever had. I'm a horrible person in situations like this. I didn't know what to say to them..

A whole week of seeing this man's name every time I get on the internet.

I was very curious to know how this man got everyone around to love him that much. How can someone possibly do that? 

Then came the ganaza announcement. Saturday 8:30am. Who will possibly go to a ganaza that early? I was wrong thinking this would result in only a few people attending. It seemed from people's posts and comments that everyone was going. I couldn't get my mind to stop thinking about all this..... I finally decided that I want to attend his ganaza. I thought a million times about how weird I'd feel and how weird I'd look, going to a ganaza of someone I never met. At the end, I decided I'm going anyway.

Saturday 7:30am, I woke up to the alarm clock, very energized, even though I had slept really late the night before. Yes, I'm finally going to see part of the difference this man has left behind. 
8:30am I was there. The ladies' praying area was almost full. More girls and women kept filling up the place. I kept watching people around, everyone looked sincerely sad, some were crying, and some were saying some prayers for the best teacher they've ever had. 
The ganaza prayer started when the place was literally packed. 


ثبت في حديث ابن عباس عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال: (ما من رجل مسلم يموت فيقوم على جنازته أربعون رجلاً لا  يشركون بالله شيئاً إلا شفعهم الله فيه) رواه مسلم



I'm positive that Mr. Amin must have done great things in his life for Allah to grant him all this love from everyone around him.

I want to dedicate this post to Mr. Amin's family and students. I'd assume that everything I've seen and heard about this man is a sign that Allah truly loves him. No one should worry about where he is now.

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : " إِذَا أَحَبَّ اللَّهُ الْعَبْدَ نَادَى جِبْرِيلَ : إِنَّ اللَّهَ قَدْ أَحَبَّ فُلانًا فَأَحْبِبْهُ فَيُحِبُّهُ جِبْرِيلُ ، ثُمَّ يُنَادِي جِبْرِيلُ فِي أَهْلِ السَّمَاءِ : إِنَّ اللَّهَ قَدْ أَحَبَّ فُلانًا ، فَيُحِبُّهُ أَهْلُ السَّمَاءِ ثُمَّ يُوضَعُ لَهُ الْقَبُولُ فِي أَهْلِ الأَرْضِ " .


القبول فى الأرض ..

I'm not sure if I should feel sad that I missed out on knowing a great person like Mr. Amin. However, I'm sure that even though I didn't get the honor of knowing this great man personally, he still inspired me that it's possible to make a huge difference in this world, and leave a legacy behind..



أشعر بالغبطة نحو هذا الرجل الذى لم أره فى حياتى .. 

الله يرحمه ويصبر أهله ..

6/10/12

Humane-less


They either whispered disapproving comments, or just walked by like it wasn't even happening. The little girl sat there crying, hurt by the cursing words her mother threw at her. Embarrassed. Looking around for someone to rescue her from her insane mother. No one did. No one dared. Was it that no one had the courage? Or that no one even cared?


It was human-less; what the mother did, and how the people responded.

6/9/12

صدق وإخلاص



There was this hashtag on Twitter called #SedkWaEkhlas

The best tweet I loved was this one;
ابن القيم : فالصدق والإخلاص هو أن تبذل كلك لمحبوبك وحده ثم تحتقر ما بذلت في جنب ما يستحقه، ثم لا تنظر إلى ذلك 
#SedkWaEhklas

I somehow visualized when I do things for people that I love so much, and it really NEVER seems enough. And I always think they definitely deserve more, and that what I did was nothing. 

But سبحان الله when it comes to عبادات, I always feel يااااااه برافو عليا I did so and so today .. as if كتَّر خيرى lol
I wish I could reach this stage when nothing of my أعمال seem enough ..

I also remembered حكمة عطائية that someone shared before,
من علامات الاعتماد على العمل نقصان الرجاء عند وجود الزلل

That is so true! When I feel that I'm doing fine with عبادات, whenever I do something wrong during this phase, I feel like I have some credit, I don't need to worry about asking God for forgiveness .. which is the total opposite when I know that during one phase my life is a total mess and that I haven't been doing my best regarding عبادات, I feel more guilty then, and I'm more sincere when asking God for forgiveness ..

That was the first time for me to consciously realize that I do that.

يا رب ارزقنا الإخلاص يااا رب

5/2/12

A Sane Moment



It was a beautiful morning. The sound of silence was filling the car. It was killing her. At this moment, all she could think of was what will happen if she doesn't lift her foot from the accelerator, but only push harder, and never stop.


Then, she started questioning her courage. 
~ to be continued. Maybe.

3/6/12

*Magical Moments*


I believe in *magical moments*. They're my favorite in this world.

Moments that would seem *normal* to anyone if you tell them about it, but it's *magical* to you, because you're the only who feels it. You're the only one who gets it.

Magical moments that take your breath away, tear you up, or make your heart skip a beat .. Magical moments that touch something beneath what shows. Magical moments that makes you feel really human.

I've witnessed a couple of these, and they're what keeps me going.

I believe in *magical people* as well :) You're one of them. Yes, you!

3/3/12

The annoying group of 8 year olds - A random reflection from Ain Alseera

Today, I was at AYB's center at Ain Alseera, just like every Friday. Basma had to give her maths lesson, and I was planning to finish some studying and send out some emails (didn't happen). Regardless of all the things that happened today that taught me A LOT, I want to focus on one thing; the annoying group of 8 year olds!

There's a rule that we've set at the center that you can't let kids in unless their teacher is there, or unless you're planning to watch them while they stay at the library.

Basma and Maha just started their classes, and I decided I'll give the center a quick clean up before I start studying.

*knock knock*

I go open the door and find 5 girls, around 8 years old.

With the purest smiles on their faces they greet me. I'm happy to see them! And I ask "Do you have a lesson today? Who's your teacher?"
They reply by saying that they don't have lessons today, "but can we still come inside and we promise to keep quiet"

Based on previous experience, I knew this is so not true! And I really wanted to study, so my reply was "There's no one to stay with you at the library, and I'm busy cleaning the center right now"

"We'll help you clean up, please please!"

I knew that wasn't true as well. We kept arguing for a couple of minutes, with them forcing me to agree at the end that they'll come back in 30 minutes after I finish cleaning up.

Less than 30 minutes later, they knock again at the door. I tell them that I'm still not done. 10 minutes later, they knock again. I decide I'm going to ignore them till I get done, because they never really give up on arguing .. The knocking doesn't stop for 15 more minutes.

Finally, it's quiet! I assumed they gave up and left. I continue cleaning the library room, and suddenly, I see this stick knocking at the window of the room. I take a look and guess what I see? the 5 annoying 8 year olds! They're standing there waving, with happiness all over their faces! They finally got me to talk to them! lol. We argue for a couple of more minutes, and I close the window again.

After a while, I finished cleaning up, and I decided to take the trash bags outside. I open the door, and THERE THEY ARE AGAIN. Oh my God!
They offer to help me reach the big trash dump (that's another whole story to reflect upon) and I agree and walk with them.

They walked with me all the way back again, and now I had no excuse, I finished cleaning up and they know it. They know they're getting in!
I walk inside and find an art class that has just started in the library, so I'm like "phew!" .. "See? there's a class in the library, you can't go in, now can you please leave?"
They kept nagging and nagging, asking me if they can join the art class. I tell them that there's no space for them inside the room. Another 20 minutes of arguing. I start to *really* get annoyed!

A couple of other people at the center helped me get them all outside. And I started complaining about how those kids are annoying!

"They have all the persistence in the world! If only they use it the right way!", I angrily said.

Then, it hit me. They do have all the perseverance in the world, AND they're using it the right way - from their perspective! Getting into the center is what they *really really* wanted, and they almost did it. They tried EVERYTHING. They didn't give up. They argued, knocked on doors, knocked on windows, helped me out, .. they did almost everything that could be done.

They could have given up the first time I told them they can't get in.
They could have given up when I shouted at them a couple of times.
They could have given up when they saw they were really making me angry.
They could have merely given up so as not to waste their time.

A couple of moments later, I felt envious, instead of annoyed. I envy their persistence! I wish I was half as persistent as they are. I would have definitely walked away the first time I was told that I can't get in.

At this moment, I knew I'll always remember this situation for all the times I'm going to decide giving up on something that I *really really* want.

At the end, I'd like to quote Engi Amin from the Educational Program; "We teach them subjects, but they teach us life"

2/3/12

Kawthar - the inspiring little girl

Kawthar .. an 11 year old girl, living in Ain Alseera. She used to go to school, but stopped (I didn't have the courage to ask why - I didn't want to embarrass her). She's one of the most decent faces I've ever seen in my life. She attends an Arabic class at the Educational program at AYB, but sometimes misses it because she needs to go help her mum with housework. She is pure, innocent, and a smart little girl. She makes me feel sooooo small. Nothing I own in this world can compare to this look of happiness and gratitude always on her face. I'll do anything to get this feeling of inner peace that shows up on her face. Blessings do come in different forms indeed :)