Lying there on the couch in the living room, after everyone in the house went to sleep. I open my favorite Maher Zain playlist, and I lie there listening to the most inspiring voice ever! Oh God! his voice just puts me in this peaceful mood. I lie there thinking about everything that's been happening this week. The first week in college. So far, so good, but I feel like I've lost interest in graduating. I just have a lot of plans inside my head that fully occupy my mind. This is how it always goes; I get excited about something for a minute, and then the next minute whoooosh gone !
I know I'm a weirdo. I even admit that I have a stupid side of me that shows most of the time, and I'm ok with that. I mean I wasn't, but I guess I got used to it. I hate feeling down, and all the grief and sorrow that come along with this feeling. I remember that day when i decided to stop thinking and just go out there and face whatever life is going to throw at my face. It was one great day! walking around with nothing inside my head..or let me say "pretending" that nothing is going on inside my head, and with a fake smile on my face. What surprised me was that the day went perfectly well, better than any other day..even though I was faking it !
But what I really thought about afterwards is, can I really "stop" thinking? blaaaakh! I hate myself when I start thinking. I remember this movie "Peaceful Warrior", when the old man told the guy that he has to throw out all the garbage inside his head. wow! I really need to do that, but I have no idea how! If only there was this machine that you could put on the top of your head, and it just sucks all the "trash" and negative thoughts out :)
Anyway, I think I'll go back to my playlist....maybe that'll take my mind off things for a while :)
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