Death and loss

"Everybody grieves differently."

Savor the Silence

Silence ..

How do you feel about silence? 

Not the kind of silence you'd experience when sitting alone, no.

Sitting in a room full of people, in silence .. not knowing who's going to speak next or what they're going to say.

Silence is golden, they say .. but is it?

How it makes you feel says a lot about the person you are. 

Does it make you feel uncomfortable? 

How uncomfortable? 

Not at all, you'd actually enjoy it?

A bit so you'd pray with all your heart for someone to break it? 

A lot to the extent that you'd do anything to break it? Would you break it with a chuckle? A question? A comment about how awkward this is?

If silence makes you uncomfortable, it's an indication that you're uncomfortable with uncertainty. You *need* structure. You *need* to know what's going to happen next. Not just in this room. In your life. In everything.

Silence is uncomfortable, yes .. but next time try savoring it, instead of worrying about who's going to break it. Uncertainty is not that scary after all. Life goes on.

~ A reflection from group therapy.

The bump

The street he lived on, there was a bump half way through it, that he could see it from his bedroom balcony. He thought it stood there very clearly, no one can miss it.

Lately, he's been spending quite sometime in the balcony, and noticed something different. Some cars would see the clear bump, yes, slow down, pass it safely, and drive ahead. However, other cars would miss seeing it, and he'd hear a loud braking noise, and sometimes the driver's cursing words.

It was the same bump .. just standing there .. waiting to be noticed.

Wires, Birds, and Perspective?

A couple of days ago I was wandering through my Facebook timeline, then I found this picture posted by a friend.

I liked the picture and thought it's creative. It's all about perspective, that's how I saw it. Most people (including myself) would see the bottom half of the picture as wires making up a fence. The upper half proves otherwise, they're birds not wires! Just wow. Perspective perspective. I also thought about it in terms of freedom. The wires transforming into birds and flying away.

Anyway, I scroll down the page a bit more, and I find this ...... 

That second picture is posted by another friend who is not related in any way to my friend who posted the first picture. I go like this :O

What's with the wires and birds, and how I choose to see them? 

I sat there staring for a couple of minutes, thinking how creepy this is getting. Is it some kind of a message from God? 

Wires and birds .... I have no idea what I should get out of this.

الناس الحشرية - by Abeer, Yomna, and Basma Zaki

يا ناس يا حشرية 

ماتخللي عندكوا دم شوية 

مش لازم كل حاجة تحصل ليا 

يكون عندكوا بيها إخبارية 

ده إيه القرف والعكننة ديه 

الواحد مايعرفش يعيش أبداً شوية 

من غير ما تتدخل في حياته ولية 

تفضل تسأله أسئلة وتعمل فيها بلطجية 

إنتوا فاكرين نفسكوا عايشين في أنهي ألفية 

طريقة أبلة نظيرة دي والله ماهتأثر فيا 

وعلى فكرة ممكن أقلبهالكوا حرب دموية 

لو ماسبتونيش في حالي الساعة ديه 

كنت قاعدة مرة مع الست فتحية 

جارتنا دي الست الحشرية 

قالتي إزيك يا حبيبتي يا غلبوية 

وأنا من طيبتي إفتكرتها بجد بتطمن عليا 

شوية ولقيتها بتحكيلي ع البت شوقية 

اللي عمرها في حياتها ما كان ليها علاقة بيا 

وإزاي جوزها طلع راجل هفية 

طلقها عشان مشهقتش شهقة الملوخية 

بدأت تشتم فيه بطريقة هسترية 

وأكنها هي اللي إطلقت، مش البت شوقية 

شوية وقالت إيه الرجالة ديه؟ 

دول محصلوش حتي فراخ الجمعية! 

وفجأة قربت مني شوية 

وفكرتني إن أمي هتموت وتفرح بيا 

وقالتلي مش كفاية لكاعة بقي يا تحية؟ 

على أساس مثلاً إن دي حياتها هي! 

مانا برضه إستغربت داخلتها الأونطجية 

عاملة نفسها قال إيه خايفة عليا 

وأتاريها بتكلمني عن سنجاوي ابن الست فوزية 

جارتنا القديمة من أيام شقة المنوفية 

فضلت تشعر فيه وفيا 

كأننا جزء من سينفونية كلاسيكية 

ولما أعلنت رفضي بكل تلقائية 

قالتي ليه؟ حد يفرط في جوازة زي ديه؟ 

ده عريس والله يا بنتي مية مية 

واللا انتي في حد في حياتك يا عنَيّا؟ 

قوليلي ياختي ومتخابيش عليا! 

ودي كانت المرة الخمسمية 

اللي أقتل فيها في دماغي الست فتحية 

وبعد ماكلنا سوا أكلة هنية 

بصيت لقيت سنجاوي داخل عليا 

وشايل في إيده كيسين ملوخية 

وقال ايه جاي عايز شوية تقلية 

هما للدرجة دي فاهمني غبية؟ 

إيه ياربي ده، دي عصابة مفترية! 

والحكاية دي كل شوية تتكرر هي هي 

أنا بجد زهقت من عيلتي الرجعية 

اللي عمرهم ما سابوا الفرصة ليا 

إني أعيش حياتي بشوية إيجابية 

طبعاً فيه ناس كتير من نفس النوعية 

وبيعملوا بالضبط زي مابتعمل الست فتحية 

بيدخلّوا في حياة الناس بدون أي وجه أحقية 

نفسي بقي نخلص منهم ونعيش في حرية 

أحب أوصللهم رسالة نهائية 

إنتوا بجد جبتولي عقدة نفسية 

عيب اللي انتوا بتعملوا ده، إتقوا الله فيا 

عشان قربت أرتكب جريمة وأخلّص البشرية 

من قرفك يا ولية إنتي وهي وهي وهي 

A Scene from the Future

In the morning, I get this from a friend;

ربنا يجمعنا في زمرة الذين أعزُّوا دينهم   :)

In the evening, I say Ameen to someone saying this prayer;

اللهم احشرنا فى زمرة المصطفى صلى الله عليه وسلم ..

Then I stopped for a moment and wondered which زمرة will I be a part of? Which زمرة do I want to be a part of? Will I be in a زمرة entering Jannah?

اللهم اجعنا فى زمرة عبادك الصالحين الذين أحبوك وأحببتهم ورضيت عنهم ..

Faith, no more for granted.

"I NEVER TAKE MY FAITH FOR GRANTED," that's the one thing Sarah Joseph kept repeating very sincerely during her talk last Saturday. 

She was a Christian, a very devoted committed Christian, and she said she lost her Faith once when she converted to Islam, but now she's never going to take it for granted.

After I left, I couldn't stop thinking how I have been taking my Faith for granted for so long .. not on purpose, but out of ignorance and carelessness. That doesn't make it any less of a shame though..

I'm tired of promising myself things that I never manage to do, so this time I'm not making any promises, just a sincere intention to start my journey of learning all about Islam. Questioning, Pursuing the truth, and Submitting to Allah. I couldn't help but think that being part of Zumaran must be Allah guiding me of where I should start. Ramadan is here. I'm off to a Umrah in a couple of days in-sha'Allah. SUB7AN ALLAH. I couldn't have made better plans for a new start..

Sarah also talked about how she stopped listening to music for a couple of years, not because she believed it's 7aram (forbidden) -as she doesn't believe it is- she only did that because it was a "distraction" for her along the way of getting closer to Allah. 

I'm getting away from many things that I consider current distractions in my life these days, and focusing instead on the things that matter.

Quoting a friend, "I want to revert to Islam"