1/17/13

It's who you travel with..

Although the last two years of my life were not my happiest in terms of satisfaction with myself and where I'm going, it never happened that I got depressed as much as I did two weeks ago. They were the worst three days. I literally didn't want to get out of bed, talk to anyone, or do anything. I felt like giving up on this world.

Being the not very nice person I am when I'm depressed, my family decided to leave me alone, which I very much respect. Then one morning my mom emailed me this photo:




:) It made me smile, but didn't really get me out of my depression. A couple of days later when I was back on track el7amdulilah, I kept thinking about this photo my mom sent me. It's not about where I'm going, it's about who's with me all the way. 

If you know me too well, you'd know that most of my down times are because I still can't figure out yet what I'm supposed to do with my life. It sucks waking up every morning without having something to be passionate about. Anyway I can write a whole post about the meaningless of my life.

Back to the photo that my mom sent me. If there's one thing that's keeping me going, and is making me bear living through every day, it would definitely be the awesome people in my life. It is indeed one of the ultimate blessings that I can't thank Him enough for.

Those people that make me smile and laugh even when I don't feel like it. Those who surprise me with random things that make my heart grin :) Those who came into my life at exactly the right time, when I most needed them.

If you're reading this blog post now because I sent you its link, then you are one of those awesome people in my life. And I just wanted to thank you. Very much!

Thank you for existing, and for making my life bearable. I truly love you. And I love when we share the tiniest details of our lives together. I love your good morning messages, and how random you can get sometimes.

My world is a better place because of you.
I'm still going to feel down, and ponder over the meaningless of my life.. but I'd remember you in the middle of my thoughts and smile and know that you are what truly matters.

This might seem like a very cheesy post, but I don't care. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate having you in my life.

Special thanks to my awesome mom who inspired me to write this post.

10/21/12

ألسنا على حق؟


فهمس على بسؤاله غير المستفهِم:

- يا أبتِ، لا أراك اللهُ سوءًا، ألسنا على حق؟

أجابه الحسين جوابًا معلومًا للسائل:

- بلى، والذى إليه مرجع العباد.

فأضاف على بن الحسين:

- إذن لا نبالى، ونموت مُحِقِّين.

إذن لا نبالى !

~ من كتاب "دم الحسين" لإبراهيم عيسى.

10/13/12

Leave me alone, to envy ..

Listening to POTF - Where to draw the line: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf1oFZdXMX0

and getting captivated ..

I'm tired and sick of myself, or is it tired of being sick of myself?

"What does tomorrow want from me?"

Well, what does today want?! How about figuring that out first. What do the days, weeks, months, and years want from me?

I'm tired, that is I'm sure of.

I'm envious too. I envy those who firmly believe. Not necessarily believe in things I believe in. Do I even believe?

Leave me alone, to envy . . .

Those who don't believe in a God, and firmly believe they're right.
Those who believe in fiction more than non-fiction, and live their lives delving in novels.
Those who believe in love, and would do the most insane things for its sake.
Those who believe this world can be a better place, and firmly believe they can be a part of that change.

I wish, oh how I wish I had even one thing to *believe* in with all my heart, to live for with all my being, to argue about against the whole world, to not mind dying for, . . .

Leave me alone, to envy . . .

10/11/12

On being human


Our biggest problem is that we're human.

We envy. 
We lie. 
We hate.
We fear.
We get jealous. 
We think about things that we shouldn't be thinking about.

But that's okay ... cuz we're human.

Yet,

We cry.
We sacrifice.
We give.
We love.
We sympathize.
We care.

.. And that's what makes us humane.

10/9/12

بصل .. وجبنة قريش



مشهد وأنا ماشية فى الشارع؛ 

واحدة ست بتبيع بخور أمام مسجد

واحد اسمه محمد ماشى فى نفس الشارع متجه فى عكس اتجاه الست

الست: "يا محمد استنى يا محمد .. قبل ما تروح مشوارك ادخل افطر معاهم جوه المسجد .. دول جايبين فطار انما ايييييه .. بصل وجبنة قريش .. فطار ما يتعوضش"

وقفت كدة وبصيت للست شوية علشان أتأكد إنها مثلا بتتريق أو بتهزر ..

ولكن هو فعلا طلع فطار ميتعوضش .. واستحقار للنفس ما يتوصفش

10/8/12

Death and loss



"Everybody grieves differently."


10/4/12

Savor the Silence


Silence ..

How do you feel about silence? 

Not the kind of silence you'd experience when sitting alone, no.

Sitting in a room full of people, in silence .. not knowing who's going to speak next or what they're going to say.

Silence is golden, they say .. but is it?

How it makes you feel says a lot about the person you are. 

Does it make you feel uncomfortable? 
How uncomfortable? 
Not at all, you'd actually enjoy it?
A bit so you'd pray with all your heart for someone to break it? 
A lot to the extent that you'd do anything to break it? Would you break it with a chuckle? A question? A comment about how awkward this is?

If silence makes you uncomfortable, it's an indication that you're uncomfortable with uncertainty. You *need* structure. You *need* to know what's going to happen next. Not just in this room. In your life. In everything.

Silence is uncomfortable, yes .. but next time try savoring it, instead of worrying about who's going to break it. Uncertainty is not that scary after all. Life goes on.

~ A reflection from group therapy.