Deceit

"It's better to be hated for who you are, than be loved for who you are not."

....this quote has been echoing inside my head for the last couple of days. I hate it when somebody thinks I'm someone that I'm not! Of course I get all happy and everything when someone praises me, but at the end of the day, I know I'm not that person they think I am, and it kills me inside...

The Golden Rules

It amazes me how most of the time I learn things from people younger than me. And sometimes I even learn things from KIDS, aging 6 and 7 years old :)

But what I want to share now, is something I learned from a close friend of mine, who is two years younger than I am ... but he is waaaay smarter and ambitious than I am. He knows exactly what to do and what to say in almost every situation. He has plans to change the world. He even calls himself the "golden boy". We were talking about "being golden", and he told me that are rules that you first have to follow to be worthy of this title. Here are the Rules;

1. Don't use the words "giving up" or "trying" .... only "doing" and "taking actions".

2. People have the right to say what they want, and you have the right to listen to what YOU want.

3. Try to help people every time by putting your hands in theirs, and pulling them up, but when you feel that people are pulling you down, don't hesitate to leave their hands.

4. Do what you believe in only, not what people forces you to believe, and know that you are different than all other people. (and if they ask you "why?", tell them Einstein's teacher was less intelligent than him").

5. When you have a dream be sure you can achieve it any time any where .... Just believe in it!

That's all. I wish to be the "golden girl" one day :)

Growing Up .... Freaking Out!

My final semester at AUC is almost starting, and I AM FREAKING OUT! Suddenly, I don’t want to graduate. Nope, it doesn’t feel like the right thing for me now. I have no idea where I want to go next. Suddenly, all the dreams I had seem so far away, so unreachable. Watching all the people I knew graduated, is worrying me even more. They’re all complaining about how real life is harder than it seemed, and how they wish to go back to college. That’s another thing that’s troubling me, did I make the best out of those years I spent in college? or did I just go through each day, hoping that all this could end and that I can graduate and start all the fun? I wish I could stop time, sit, and think deeply about all that. I wish I could start over. I wish someone can tell me where to go and what's the right thing to do.

Do it ANYWAY !

I've been wanting to write this post for a couple of days now. I'm glad I could finally sit down and write it. Life is great :) everything is peRfecT elhamdulilah ..

I've learned a very valuable lesson during the past week, and I thought of mentioning it here to always remember that ..

A few days ago, a friend of mine posted the lyrics of an amazing song on my Facebook wall. She said she thought I'd like it. I checked it out on YouTube, and ........ I was speechless;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svPNPZAdc2I

AMAZING lyrics!

my favorite;

You can spend your whole life buildin'
Somethin' from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

I kept listening to the song all day, and for some reason I felt it was a message from God. I was having a hard time with some stuff, and I was about to give up on the whole thing. And this song just came right on time :)

What made me even more surprised is that a few days after that, another friend posted a link on my wall;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YU0aNAHXP0

A woman talking about how she felt "invisible" and that no one appreciates what she does. I LOVED her speech, and the story she mentioned :) and AGAIN I was speechless. But this time I was SURE that it MUST be a message from God. IT MUST BE!

Two times in the same week. The same message. The same feeling.

I REALLY needed someone to motivate me and push me back on track, but I couldn't share what I felt with anyone, but Subhan Allah, GOD is always there :) he knew exactly what I needed, and he sent it to me right away!

I'm soOooooOOoo eXcited about my dreams and the future. I have no idea what is lying ahead. Yes, I'm a bit afraid I have to say, but what's the worst that can happen?! ...... I will DO it ANYWAY ;)

Totally Random

Lying there on the couch in the living room, after everyone in the house went to sleep. I open my favorite Maher Zain playlist, and I lie there listening to the most inspiring voice ever! Oh God! his voice just puts me in this peaceful mood. I lie there thinking about everything that's been happening this week. The first week in college. So far, so good, but I feel like I've lost interest in graduating. I just have a lot of plans inside my head that fully occupy my mind. This is how it always goes; I get excited about something for a minute, and then the next minute whoooosh gone !

I know I'm a weirdo. I even admit that I have a stupid side of me that shows most of the time, and I'm ok with that. I mean I wasn't, but I guess I got used to it. I hate feeling down, and all the grief and sorrow that come along with this feeling. I remember that day when i decided to stop thinking and just go out there and face whatever life is going to throw at my face. It was one great day! walking around with nothing inside my head..or let me say "pretending" that nothing is going on inside my head, and with a fake smile on my face. What surprised me was that the day went perfectly well, better than any other day..even though I was faking it !

But what I really thought about afterwards is, can I really "stop" thinking? blaaaakh! I hate myself when I start thinking. I remember this movie "Peaceful Warrior", when the old man told the guy that he has to throw out all the garbage inside his head. wow! I really need to do that, but I have no idea how! If only there was this machine that you could put on the top of your head, and it just sucks all the "trash" and negative thoughts out :)

Anyway, I think I'll go back to my playlist....maybe that'll take my mind off things for a while :)

why does it always have to be like this?

Just finished watching a movie called "My Life Without Me"...hmmmm it was one tragic movie full of drama, not boring, but not my type though. It was about this woman who found out that she has a tumor in her ovaries and that she's going to die in two months. She preferred not to tell anyone about that, and kept it to herself. She wrote a journal about all the things she wants to do before dying. Interesting! Although there's something that I didn't like, not about the movie, bas in general ya3ny.........why do we have to know when we'll die to wake up and start living our lives to the fullest? she knew she'd die in two months, that's why she went out there and did all the things she wanted to do. tayeb eh ya3ny? ma we could die the next minute! It really annoys me when people do that..ya3ny lazem t3rafo hatmooto emta 3alashan t3eesho sa7?

The good old days..

Oh how I miss those days! those good old days :) my childhood.....Although I don't remember exactly if it was a happy or a sad one, but I sure remember that it wasn't full of all this drama I'm living in right now. I miss life back then. I miss how simple it was. I miss how my biggest worries was how I was going to dig under my bedroom and have a secret laboratory :) and thinking for weeks whether I should tell my sister about it or just keep it as my ultimate secret. I miss how everyone would look at me and smile, cuz I'm just another child who has no idea what' they're going to face in the future. I miss my dreams and aspirations. I miss how I wasn't scared to try new things. I miss how everything seemed much simpler and how life seemed more fun. I miss being irresponsible, dependent, and worry-free. Oh how I miss being a child.....